Closely approximating the glide ratio of a grand piano… 😉
As you are now properly prepared, it is at the juncture that I proudly introduce
my fabulous, all-new Mogambo Balsa-Wood Airplane Theory Of Economics (MBWTOE),
which I heroically developed by drinking dangerous levels of alcoholic beverages,
thus sacrificing myself upon the Altar of Inspiration in exchange for a way
to explain the idiocy of economics as taught in the nation’s universities,
and as practiced by all the world’s central banks.
It came to me after a clerk at the convenience store wouldn’t sell me any
more beer, and so instead I got one of those little balsa-wood airplanes that “flies” by
virtue of a wound-up rubber band spinning a little plastic propeller, and where,
to assemble the thing, you merely slide the wing, tail and elevators into pre-cut
slits and slots, and then finish the project by affixing the wheels, propeller
and the rubber band.
I figured “Tape a couple of razor blades along the leading edge of the wings
and -Voila! -instant air superiority!”
However, if you carefully examine the wing, as I eventually did, you will
note that it is just a flat piece of balsa wood, and is definitely NOT an airfoil
in cross-section. There is no shaping of the wing to provide Bernoulli lift!
Therefore, the little airplane does not “fly”, but is just a propeller dragging
some big sails sideways through the air by brute force, prey to every errant,
wispy breeze and microscopic change in air pressure, which explains why most
of the time the thing immediately crashes, and you waste hours and hours of
precious, precious time as you endlessly fiddle and diddle with the fore-aft
placement of the wing, the elevators and the rudder, adding more rubber bands
and winding, winding, winding them tighter and tighter until you can actually
hear wood fibers snapping from the strain, just trying to make the stupid thing
merely take off, fly over Mrs. Kravitz’s house, drop a little pile of stinking
dog crap on her precious, shiny little stupid car, and then come back and land
safely at my feet, ready for another Mogambo Mission of Revenge (MMOR). Is
that too much to ask of a $3.19 airplane? I think not! Money comes hard around
Anyway, this is not about how I got ripped off by being sold a defective fighter
aircraft and how it put my plans for Mogambo World Domination (MWD) months
behind schedule, but that this Mogambo Balsa-Wood Airplane Theory Of Economics
(MBWTOE) is, essentially, a perfect analog to current economic theory as actually
practiced by the Federal Reserve and all the other central banks of the world;
the stupid thing can’t possibly work, but it looks roughly correct in that
the major parts are all there, and it is fun to keep messing with it, adding
more rubber bands, substituting bigger plastic propellers, adjusting the size,
shape and position of the flat wings, elevators and tail, trying over and over
again to completely negate, by sheer overwhelming force, the very Laws of Nature!
And to get paid for doing it? Wow! What a great job! Hahaha!
But, just like with the ill-fated Fearsome Mogambo Air Force (FMAF), it never
even seems to work for very long, you wind up with everything all busted, slashed
and ruined, and you get a lot of dog crap all over everything except the one
damned place you wanted it.
“Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself.” — Milton Friedman